October 15 the previous year Ph.
The only way to evaluate editing is to compare the original essay with the edited version. We significantly improve essays both for clients who write poorly and for clients who write well.
Edited Essay As a single mother who has confronted homelessness and poverty, I am committed to reforming public education. I have a particular interest in improving the accessibility of schooling to homeless individuals, single mothers, and disadvantaged women of color.
As a result of my own experiences, I am familiar with the despair and frustration endemic to individuals struggling to survive.
I am applying for my doctorate in educational leadership so that I can pursue my life-mission: Although I had many responsibilities, the role that consumed most of my time and energy was interviewing clients and assessing their physical and emotional needs.
I also generated an updated resource list that included many service agencies in the Houston area. By personally contacting each agency to acquire contact information and to learn about its services, I facilitated greater communication between service organizations and ensured that my clients had access to necessary aid.
In my present position as Research Analyst at SeaNet, my primary role is ascertaining the needs of client networks.
The information I compiled was so revealing that it was published in the quarterly report that is sent to our funding agency in Washington, D.
In addition, I have been involved in a number of special, innovative projects. I also provided informational brochures and handouts detailing other such organizations that could assist with the individualized needs of schools. I was gratified when my efforts resulted in teachers and administrators contacting several of the organizations I had mentioned so that the organizations could start outreach in their educational districts.
I have acted as a mentor at Davis Middle School for many years and have tutored a number of home-schooled children. I served on many boards and was active in assisting both instructors and administrators.
My short-term goals include advancing my knowledge of quantitative research using programs such as SPSS and Microcas, and acquiring a sophisticated understanding of how to become a leader in the educational field.
I wish to use these skills to promote empirical studies in education that can help direct educational reform. Over the past four years, I have seen the department blossom into a challenging and innovative program.
I appreciate that every course offers the opportunity for independent research, and that the faculty is open to student suggestions for improvement. I obviously knew that my essay needed some work and I could not grasp how to fix it.
However, your editor gave me a sigh of relief. His structural changes made sense to me and the overall flow and strength of the essay improved.
I am convinced now that your service is good and I will surely use it again.
You do a good job of showing the reader your diligent preparation for a career in education. By emphasizing your research-oriented background and your practical experience in the educational sector, you show that you have the knowledge and resolve to excel in a doctoral program.
However, there are ways in which your essay could be improved. My comments in this critique describe ways to make your writing more vivid and offer recommendations on how to make your statement more convincing. Many of the changes I made to this essay were confined to the sentence level.
I reworked awkward phrases, varied your vocabulary, adjusted diction, and improved the direction and flow of your writing.
In addition, I closely examined your statements, determining whether more detail or a fresh approach was needed to improve the effectiveness of your essay.
The overall content of your essay was strong, but its expression was awkward at times. Your essay will be much more persuasive if you articulate specific intermediate and long-term career goals. Because you have already accomplished significant work in the educational field, the committee will expect you to have clearly-defined objectives in your doctoral studies.
Given your experience, you may want to discuss your specific plans for your dissertation. Here are my specific comments on each individual paragraph of your essay: I want to fine-tune my research skills because research skills are important to a career in education.
Sentences like these obscure rather than clarify your goals, and I sought to make your writing more active and transparent. What do you want to reform? Can you give concrete examples? See my suggestion for alternative wording that does a better job of capturing your experience and of demonstrating how that experience has influenced your decision to seek an advanced degree.
Paragraph 2 This paragraph did a good job of describing your work at the Christian Assistance Ministry.Oct 16, · Yes, this is ostensibly a financial reason to get a graduate degree, but consider it an incentive to do something for more than money.
4. There will be more job opportunities in a field you like. Graduate school is a serious commitment, and it may have been your goal for a long time.
Describing your early exposure to a field can offer effective insight into your core objectives. Watch out, however, for these two potential problems. My Reasons for Pursuing a Graduate Degree Kenika M.
Carter My Graduate Study Plan When I decided to pursue graduate studies, In this essay I am going to discuss the benefits I will gain by obtaining my college degree and how my life and the life of my family will become better.
In such circumstances, writers must attend carefully to the essay prompt (sometimes as simple as “Write a one-page summary of your reasons for wanting to pursue graduate study”) and recognize that evaluators tend to judge these essays on the same fundamental principles, as follows.
Graduate Study Challenges and Strategies for Personal Success Jean Lyons HCS/ Monday April 30, Dr. Baron Smith Graduate Study Challenges and Strategies for Personal Success The subject of this paper is the challenge of graduate school, with specific reference to the author’s own goals and personal motivations pursuing an advanced.
4 SAMPLE GRADUATE SCHOOL ESSAYS #1. "From Working Poor to Elite Scholar" One of the proudest accomplishments of my life was earning my college .